crabby and sad

so it's 10dp3dt/13dpo, and BFN. I am mildly encouraged by FF's stats that 57% of BFPs happen at 14dpo or more, but I'm still under the covers anyway. Tomorrow morning is my beta. Not much else to report. 

Well, except that I had what I thought was a job interview on Tuesday, only to find out that *now* she'll send me application materials... oy. 

ok. in positive news, today I received my fabulous new heated mattress pad, and I think I'm in love.

transfer!

oops -- sorry! they did indeed do the ET yesterday, 3 embryos (2 were 7-cell; 1 was 6-cell and compacting, which is a good thing, because that means it's getting ready to divide). there are 8 more that they're going to keep culturing, but the RE wasn't all that hopeful that I'd get any totsicles out of them. Right before the transfer, the woman from the lab brought me the lid from the petri dish as a souvenir, which of course I've been carrying around in my pocket in case the embryos miss their first home, of course!

H was there for the whole thing, and I think she mostly enjoyed talking with one of the nurses about their respective little dogs.  The time in the transfer room did include a while when I could see a reflection of the 'action' before they moved the reflective light fixture from right over me. It was kind of cool. 

Needless to say, I felt victorious when I realized that I'd made coffee this morning without obsessing about whether the pregnancy will take; even took a shower and got dressed without thinking about it. Otherwise, yea, mostly thinking about it. Is it the 31st yet? 

What I actually should be thinking about is the reading I need to do for my Zohar class, and the paper I need to write for my leadership seminar. So perhaps I'll refresh my peppermint tea and read a bit.

wow. there are 11 eggs that have fertilized, and 8 of them are at the desired 4-cell stage (desired for 2 days post-retrieval)! tomorrow morning 8:30 is the transfer, and I'm so praying that this results in a sweet baby...aware that it might not, but hopeful nonetheless. I had an acupuncture appointment yesterday, and I have another scheduled right after the transfer. that's me for now -- the rest of today will include soup-making, maybe a movie, and the seventh game of the ALCS.  

so, retrieval was yesterday, and they got 17 eggs! of course, not all of them are mature enough, and between that and my age, I'm certain that it won't be a whole baseball team of embryos, but I'll have the initial fertilization report later today. other than the fact that I feel like my lower abdomen is a gas chamber, the process was painless and easy. I have an acupuncture appointment this afternoon and likely one on the day of transfer; otherwise, it's life as usual.

she aims, she shoots

yea! I got to do my trigger tonight, which means that I'm having the egg retrieval on friday morning. there were 14 juicy follicles, a couple on the small side, but some nice ones too. this is where it now starts to get complicated and question-filled: will they fertilize? will just one pretty please implant and grow into a baby? be healthy? remember to say thank you and look before crossing the street? ooh, I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

shooting up

dear heavens, I've been remiss!!!

so, yes, I'm on the bandwagon...4 injections each day, and I'm loving it. 

yes, you read that correctly. I get to do 2 injections in the morning and 2 more in the evening, and you'd think it was mint chip ice cream or a beach vacation the way I look forward to it, but it's true. they don't hurt, they bring me closer to the potential of pregnancy and parenthood, and I love having a new skill. 

so far, I don't think they've made me moody -- unless skippity and giddy count as moody -- though my belly looks a bit battered from all the needles. I also am feeling good about the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services I led, together with a first-year student from my school, and glad now for the beauty of autumn and a few more days off from school.