one hungry gal!

So, it would seem that all it takes to bring me blissful happiness the last couple of days is PB and honey on toast. or sometimes melted cheese on toast. I do wish for a tinge more symptom-ness (tremendous puking not so much), just so I'd have a better sense of being pregnant. My first MW appointment isn't until Feb 2 -- oh, the long wait...

Today I am writing a paper on Jewish mysticism -- ah, yes, the end of last semester! -- and then I will get more on board with my project of bringing organic, grass-finished, sustainably-sourced beef and lamb to Providence (available kosher or not, halal-process too)! I bet you weren't expecting me to say that, eh? 

one hungry caterpillar!

I am very relieved to say that there is one little bean in there, which H and I saw on my first ultrasound yesterday! Stunning, really, to realize that there is a heart beating deep inside me, that two little cells have evolved to this point and godwilling will continue to do so. The little blob we saw looked like the bean was *all* heart :) -- because the whole blob was whomping around in the sac. This means that I've graduated from the RE office and now need to choose a midwife, also stunning.

Amidst all this, I am enjoying getting to be a bit of the earth mama I hope to be. Which at the moment, other than making my own yogurt, mostly means eating very well/organic/nothing processed, being calm, listening to soothing music, trying to get enough exercise and water and omega-3s, sleep, yadda. It's not as challenging at this point as I imagine it would be with a human on the outside! 

And gosh, I am HUNGRY ALL THE TIME! I woke up in the night restless and feeling hungry, and I thought "hunger and thirst often feel the same; I'll start with a large glass of water" (so I don't eat every single time the thought occurs to me) -- but lo and behold, after the water and some reading, I was still definitely hungry. Ate some walnuts, and woke up at 7 AM...hungry.

well, a little update: my betas have been good -- a bit too good, I fear! -- 12 DPO: 53; 14 DPO: 150; 23 DPO: 7800 (that last one was today). So, yes, I'm clearly pregnant for now...I really want this to be a healthy singleton pregnancy, and I'm beginning to wonder whether I have a whole preschool in there!

Well, for the moment I seem to be pregnant -- two pink lines this morning!! Now, I just keep praying hard...

The photo on the left there isn't actually *my* pregnancy test, as I seem to have thrown out the cord that connects my camera to my computer, alas. But you get the idea. 

Blood test tomorrow...

ok, I know I'm a bad poster, but at the moment, I want to add that I had 3 embryos transferred on Saturday, and today the lab said that one little ball of cells made to totsicle stage! I now have 3 in the deep freeze.

otherwise, it's just 6DPO/3dp3dt, so I'm going slowly crazy...

:)

well, it seems round 2 is here! I got a bit lazy about posting, because this is what I would have said: "wishing I were pregnant. having a hard time getting any schoolwork done."

so, my ER was Wednesday, and although there were just 6 eggs (17 last time!), all 6 fertilized, and the woman at the lab I spoke to yesterday was so nice and helpful and reassuring and offering me good information all around. later today, I'll find out how the little buds are doing, and if they're doing well, I'll probably have the transfer tomorrow.

meanwhile, I do have other news, which is that H (the gf) and I have decided to get hitched! ring and all! it happened just before Thanksgiving, at an Italian restaurant in my neighborhood (I had puttanesca; she had ravioli), and just after saying 'yes' church bells starting play Christmas carols. ah, the beauty of life. :)

yea! onto round 2 indeed. have I mentioned how much I like my RE practice? I very much do. Anyway, tomorrow I'll go back to the BCP and then onto the injections. Dr. B is quite hopeful -- though I didn't get pregnant with my first IVF, all of the numbers were good and there isn't reason to worry, other than the fact that I'm 41...

well, it's time for round 2. no dice on the first IVF, alas. seeing Dr. B. in the AM. more soon.

crabby and sad

so it's 10dp3dt/13dpo, and BFN. I am mildly encouraged by FF's stats that 57% of BFPs happen at 14dpo or more, but I'm still under the covers anyway. Tomorrow morning is my beta. Not much else to report. 

Well, except that I had what I thought was a job interview on Tuesday, only to find out that *now* she'll send me application materials... oy. 

ok. in positive news, today I received my fabulous new heated mattress pad, and I think I'm in love.

transfer!

oops -- sorry! they did indeed do the ET yesterday, 3 embryos (2 were 7-cell; 1 was 6-cell and compacting, which is a good thing, because that means it's getting ready to divide). there are 8 more that they're going to keep culturing, but the RE wasn't all that hopeful that I'd get any totsicles out of them. Right before the transfer, the woman from the lab brought me the lid from the petri dish as a souvenir, which of course I've been carrying around in my pocket in case the embryos miss their first home, of course!

H was there for the whole thing, and I think she mostly enjoyed talking with one of the nurses about their respective little dogs.  The time in the transfer room did include a while when I could see a reflection of the 'action' before they moved the reflective light fixture from right over me. It was kind of cool. 

Needless to say, I felt victorious when I realized that I'd made coffee this morning without obsessing about whether the pregnancy will take; even took a shower and got dressed without thinking about it. Otherwise, yea, mostly thinking about it. Is it the 31st yet? 

What I actually should be thinking about is the reading I need to do for my Zohar class, and the paper I need to write for my leadership seminar. So perhaps I'll refresh my peppermint tea and read a bit.